"... Sad Goodbyes"

December 21^st, 2011



Dearest Kelly

Another hurtful lie

I thought,

when first told that you passed away.
My denial,

an instant barrier to

an emotional year winding down.

But second time told,

I knew it to be true…

You were gone
                and I sobbed like a child.

Now
despondently,

I remain

burdened by so many things

not said to you in person…

along with a grief-laden Goodbye.

Tears now flow on typing hands,
As I pensively pray you hear my sorrowed voice;
these long-ago feelings

I wish you knew

while you were here:

Thank you for coming into my life when you did.

Thank you for listening time after time to my frequent and often pathetic

                        miseries; always offering judgment-free

advice and boosting my self-confidence.

Thank you for your ever-prudent support;

once telling me that devotion can’t be persuasively obtained

                        if you have to blindly jump alone into the deep end
                        of an empty pool,

just to get it.

Thank you for finally showing me the value of trust and respect;

                        as you became roses on a dreary day,

smiles upon despair,

and logic to the blind.

Thank you for letting me make my own mistakes, but comforting me

                        at my low points; telling me that love is a balance

of confidence and insecurity,

and it should always be offered...

even when it isn’t reciprocated.

And for all things said and unsaid,

I thank you.

And although I didn’t get to say Goodbye
before you left,
please know that

you were my friend,

you were loved by so many

and you shall be painfully missed.

And until next we meet,
I shall look forward to gleefully saying again,

Hey Red, how’ve you been?

and we’ll catch up on all you’ve helped me
poignantly realize…

throughout the rest

of my life.

Kelly Marie Pritchard
March 26, 1984 - Dec 15, 2011

"...from months to years"

Mirror Lost

reminds me

everyday

sunrise and set,

how? I ask

I lost you,

inside gold

flake mirror

too heavy

a view

to absorb.

I lost you

I hear

as old smiles

make weathered

hearts cry.

Goodbye

Lost one,

Goodbye

Love.

Jason

Aug 9, 2011

“Happy Birthday to Me”

Riverbed

pewter spoon worn edge to edge;

        my reasoning as of these days.

glance up

small hand just after four

                apparently, I am a peach

when it comes to you,

bruises appearing from

               the slightest weighed

               words your mouth drops

leaving me lackluster

and

tarnished.

Jason

July 2, 2011

"...Vision Clearing"

Roseworthy

bamboo ceiling fans Overhead the

elaborately etched elephant Ivory scrimshaw,

as patterned people cluster in tumbling grasses

outside the wet Redwood fenceline,

laying on berms of brown tipped 

South African bamboo shoots.

And like the conquest of the morning dew

on desiccated leaves,

she has sunrise sheer beauty;

and

she is Roseworthy in my eyes.

-Jason-

June 1, 2011

jar of dried jelly

raw berry blue luster

tarnished copper plate patina

ever oxidizing,

      sun and air

Stratford to Hollywood,

Woolworth and Woodward.

stuck to glass like a deserted

dime-store dead goldfish,

dried jelly

always tasting

Bitter

always dehydrated

to my parched…    but

singed

palette.

-Jason-

June 7, 2011

"For Kelly..."

Fly, Red Bird Fly

Wonderfully red,

crimson plumed cardinal…

I watch in awe as you

build your thatch bound nest

among

thistles and thorns,

always the thistles and thorns.

Impenetrably hidden for protection,

but too deep to be admired

by the warming Sun,

you fossilize.

Until one day

no longer fearing the World,

you muster courage

to fly away…

never looking down

at the thistles and thorns,

always the thistles and thorns,

you leave

behind.

 

To All:

I am beside myself with grief to say that this poem is dedicated to my friend, Kelly Pritchard, who was sadly diagnosed earlier this month with a rare form of ovarian cancer. For those who know her (and even those that don’t), please keep her and her family in your thoughts and prayers.

Thank you.

Jason

"Zen Denied"

Translucent Misogyny

It bears repeating…

Softly though,

            with little intonation of anger

            and a quarter of

The cadence,

you normally spew…

and I cringe.

The inflection vibrates paper-thin

vascular walls

            I’ve managed to retain upright,

in my adolescent heart

but one

Transfixed to a 37 year old man’s

            Sense of reason.

Was it love

to let me

live life alone

each night to

fight for my own

Sense of worth

in a world that

had little need

for a teenage

bleeding heart?

And was it necessity,

to fill my head

with hopes

            of a woman loving

            Me

Without having

to absorb abuse,

in order

to feel…

Appreciation,

Importance,

Gratitude,

Devotion,

Blue attitudes and

            Red Love.

And still,

it bears

Repeating…

Thank you.

Thank you,

Mother.

(March 14, 2011)

"A Real Shitter!"

"...The World Around Us"

Building Underwater

Brick and mortar unglued like a

House of cards,

This Lego play-set we live in;

Interlocking pieces of memories and experiences

Lost beneath the waves of man’s inhumanity toward man.

As I watch earthquakes in New Zealand, riots in Egypt,

Civil unrest where politics play God-head to personal freedoms

Quenching each voice to be heard,

Lord grant us the temperance to resist relationships we

build underwater, and re-ignite love,

to capsize

The crafts of destruction set before us.

And give us the dignity to kneel for forgiveness…

Before we fade away

on our feet.

-Jason 2/22/11 9:40am

"...obstacles"

Ladies and gentlemen! Come one, come all. Hark! I beckon thee gents and madams to please come and hear the new poem I wrote! It's fun for the children, fun for the family, fun for the pets and healthy for the environment. So, go grab some of ole' Granny's special buttered popcorn and some of Papa Pete's "hidden" elixir, and prepare to be dazzled by the artistry and craft of this blog-shaman's words, as they will soon envelope you and cast you off to world's unknown. So, have a seat and relax and let me tell you a tale; a tale of a man who had a day like no other, a day of continually putting his foot in his mouth time and time again. So, sit back and enjoy the Rembrandt of this blog scribe, exquisitely titled...

Exhaling Black Clouds

"To err is human, to forgive pause is divine."
Parables like that make me
wish I'd just Exhale, for a second,
to align my words in such a
way, that my mouth wouldn't soon
regret their Texture on the palates
I leave behind.

Damn black clouds...
fill my lungs, make me cough up
wholesome intentions,
leaving me speechless with an
Alabaster abrasion
in my eyes, such that I can't see
the sky ahead from the road behind.

-Jay
=P

"Little Treasures"

You know something...everyone likes finding that missing $10 in thier jeans before the washer consumes them. Everyone enjoys turning the TV station and getting that small surprise that their favorite movie just happens to be starting. And everyone likes to get those "Hope you have a nice day. Love Ya" notes found on the counter by the coffee pot in the morning. For me, some of that stuff hasn't happened in quite some time, but I have to tell ya... I do enjoy finding hidden pieces of poetry that I've either jotted down in an obscure Word file, or emailed out, or found on a napkin in a folder somewhere. This is one of the small joys that I found today:

Tuesday, March 16, 2010 10:34 AM

Diligent

Bees in turmoil,

Amidst pedals of hazed lavender and chartreuse.

At work, diligent for what they believe,

Is best for the hive.

So much so, is the identical way,

That I find the purpose to push on another day.

In my heart, buzzing for what I believe,

Is best for you and I.

"Words from Heaven"

Nothing is ever so prominent,

then the lacking of light

my heart feels,

when we don't speak

with unbound words of love

and as often

as always.

Me - Jan 18, 2011

"...Again, I wake the Rooster"

Morning, all. Well, unfortunately, I cannot sleep again. So many things trickling around in my head that the sheer noise of my thoughts seem to be keeping Jack and Ronin up, as well, and they're pissed off at me that they can't enjoy their slumber either. I have seen far too many 4:42am's in the last 5-6 months, that its been the butt of many jokes and even a point of a poem that I wrote that eluded to my eventual (and metaphoric) demise. So... among other things, I have so many ideas of this whole new world I've delved into (movie biz) bopping around the ole' cerebellum, that I simply can't think straight. I had an excellent experience, albeit a bit cold, at my 1st Production Assistant seminar today. Funny that I just realized that that title is the lowest on the totem pole in showbiz. Ha! But either way, there's such exciting potential there and so many contacts to make and different avenues someone can take, that it's a bit daunting to absorb exactly what my next steps should be. For me, lately, that kind of uncertainty has been one of my short-comings on so many levels over the last several months that I'm a bit nervous to proceed. And that's why I can't sleep. That sense of "uncertainty". That lil' bastard of a feeling has been the culprit for an ungodly amount of sleepless nights for me for the longest time. Whether it was about health issues, the Holiday blues, family fallout, or the heaviness of Friendship Pitt-falls... it seems like "uncertainty" is this shadow I can't seem to shake. And though I feel like a completely re-energized man then I was, even a month ago, I still wonder what all this means and what my next steps should be. Eagerness has been a downfall for me in a few ways, too. Either, I have expressed far too much and scared opportunities away or I have shown too little and doors close in my face. What do I do? It's a fine line to have the unwavering confidence I now have (in the midst of uncertainty), yet battle with how to express the right amount of eagerness and disdain to a given situation. I have undoubtedly jumped head first into situations in the past, even with the best intentions and most positive outlook, and had the walls come crumbling down around me. Lord knows that I should've taken a deep breath and held some bit of reservation on items like blindly submerging myself in the stock-market several years ago, or selling some things that I should have held on to, to more recent dilemmas where too much or too little eagerness and uncertainty affected friendships. So what does this all mean? Have I made any sense in this babbling? What should I do about doors that keep closing in my face and others that seem to open up too wide and are too inviting? I can't just rush into this "showbiz" life without a bit of caution for the sake of being bored with my life! Been there...failed that. =(  I burned myself so much lately that you'd think the nerve endings would have faded to numbness by now, but they haven't. So, I guess that's the secret to finding your nitch in this world: to push forward in the face of uncertainty, and to do so without getting callous from each singe that might occur. Now, even with all the T.S Eliot or Dale Carnegie that I've been reading, that's still a bit damn profound for even me to say. Seems like my early morning writings tend to be "drifty" and obscure. All I know is apprehension is a bitch! But then again... it is nearly 6am on Sunday morning and I should be asleep.
So, good night...and fuck you, Mr. Rooster! I've had enough of your eagerness for far too long.

"Instant poem inspired by my departure from the Dry Cleaners"

Eskimo Kiss

The older I become,
the more I freely realize how
     quickly
the weather can change.

Albeit warm to cold, cycles encircling
around, inside and out. Up
close or so far away, everything
     I feel
can be said,
unequivocally,
        with a simple kiss.

"...They're Making A Theatrical Mockery Of My Words!"

"...Snowy Day Dreaming"

Happy New Year everyone! Here is just a quick poem that I wrote the other day. There will be more to come. Enjoy! Remember, you can always click on a poem or picture to view it larger. =)